Blog 2
Man, I am tired…It has been a real struggle to find the motivation to sit down and type this blog post out if I’m being honest with you all. Work is stressful, my daughters’ disobedience is stressful, church leadership decisions are stressful, social distancing is stressful, Covid-19 cases spiking is stressful, seeing social media posts filled with hatred on both sides of every possible discussion point is stressful. Part of what makes me want to counsel and teach people within the church is that I feel my empathy can be useful to others. Empathy, however, can be a double-edged sword because internalizing other’s stress/problems can happen without realizing it. That’s kinda where I find myself right now and it is a bit paralyzing…so much stress from without and within that it feels hard to even move forward at all. As I promised initially, I am going to be as real as I can be in these posts so I’m not going to only offer theoretical “ivory tower” wisdom where I pretend everything is perfect…I am working through a lot of emotional junk right now but at the same time I think my doing so transparently may help others who are feeling similarly.
Well, with that super uplifting introduction out of the way, let’s pick up where we left off last time which was, “how can death/loss ever have meaning or purpose?” At this point we have moved on from trying to answer the tricky questions of “How?” or “Why?” did this death or loss happen and arrived at what most grief counselors refer to as acceptance. Not acceptance that whatever happened is right or just but simply acceptance that whatever happened actually happened and nothing more. True restoration happens when we are able to take these broken experiences of our past (or present) situations and use them to speak to our future. This is a consistent theme throughout the entire Bible; the Fall of humanity in Genesis 3 is followed by a promise of restoration. Later in Genesis, Joseph’s brothers sell him into slavery and this is the experience he claims God used to put him in a position of power in Egypt where he was able to provide food not only for Egypt but his family from Canaan as well. Joseph could have allowed his past loss of freedom and family to fester for the rest of his life but instead he was able to accept what had happened and God was able to show him how that could be redeemed into something with purpose. It is important to remember that this does not make the initial death/loss right or OK; death /loss is never “good”…in fact it is the truest reminder that we are no longer in the “very good” state of initial creation.
The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 8:28 that, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” I’ll tell you what, if I had a dollar for everyone who offered that verse to me after me sister died, I would be a wealthy man. There were other verses offered as well, but this was the most commonly offered one. The thing is this is not a verse for the initial grieving period; it’s for the finding meaning/purpose periods of our grief. As Paul writes, I knew the verse was true…I had just finished paying a sizable chunk of money for my Masters of Divinity degree so there were a lot of other things I knew were true in Scripture. However, this did not help me with the initial acceptance phase of my grief. It wasn’t until I went through the stages of grief and processed it to the point where I wasn’t trying to figure out why she took her life or what I could have done differently that might have saved her that this verse offered direction.
At this point of transition, however, this verse was critical…either this verse is 100% true and God truly does offer purpose and restoration for death/loss, or it is a total lie and nothing but garbage and a waste of time. The promise is not that God works a few things together for good, or some things together for good, or even most things together for good; the promise is He works all things together for good. If that is true then my grief and I have somewhere to be and we have something that needs to get done. So here I am typing a blog post that reminds me of the rawness of my sister’s death but I know that it is beneficial for others to read and hear my story.
That takes us to where we are as a society right now. There is death/loss from Covid-19 that seems meaningless…maybe you have lost someone close to you as a result of the pandemic or maybe you have lost your job due to the economic fallout. Whether you personally line up on the medical or economic side of the aisle there is loss that has happened. But I promise that if we stop the navel-gazing and echo- chamber-yelling on social media and work together, we have an opportunity to be a better society than we were prior to the pandemic. Similarly, as we try and work through the emotions of death/loss related to George Floyd, we have an opportunity to be better than we were as a result. This does not change the fact that the death was unjustifiably awful but it is forcing conversations and changes to take place that have needed to happen for decades if not centuries. I have been inspired by one of my college friends in particular as he has become laser-focused on using his Facebook platform to bring to light the painful realities of racism still present in America. My heart grieves at the unnecessary loss of human life but I am hopeful that reform and restoration can come through our grieving process. May God lead us out of the “Why?” and “How?” phase and into the figuring out how to be a part of the “all things working together” phase quickly.
And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” Revelation 22:3-5