Blog 38:
Here I am in Montana sitting in the recliner my mom used for many years. Some of you know that she passed away about a week ago, and I was able to be here with her as she entered eternity. I wanted to be here with her during that time, but I also wanted to be with my dad as he began the grieving process. I wanted to help him take care of things like closing accounts and going through items to keep or get rid of, but he has not really allowed me to be a part of the process. As I sit here, I recognize that this has been a time to just be with my dad. The only thing I have been able to offer is my presence.
When I was in seminary, I remember one of my professors mentioning that the most important thing a minister can provide is presence. In the midst of pain, suffering, or grief a person is not interested in deep theological conversations; he is interested in knowing if you will just be present with him during his pain, suffering, or grief. The fact I have been sitting here in my mom’s recliner communicates to my dad that I am here and ready to help with a task if needed, or to talk if needed (we literally had a 15-minute talk that quickly moved from politics to the Gospel as I finished this paragraph).
The difficulty is that as humans we are wired to fix or to take charge of a situation…our natural response to alleviate or avoid pain, suffering, and grief. I want to feel like I am “doing something” to help my dad grieve. However, presence is the most biblical response that I can provide. Paul tells us to, “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.”
The most poignant example of this comes from Jesus Himself as He arrives in Bethany where His friend Lazarus has died. He arrives knowing that He will raise Lazarus from the dead, but His priority is providing presence for both Mary and Martha. We see Him listening to their concerns and empathizing with them. He is moved in spirit and weeps with them. He is bringing understanding and spiritual healing to them before He brings physical healing to Lazarus.
So, I continue to sit here in my mom’s recliner. I make coffee in the morning, I make lunch and dinner when it’s time, today I will help my dad go through my mom’s clothing to decide what can be donated and what should be thrown out. My plane ticket back to New Hampshire has been bought and I will be leaving my mom’s recliner in a couple of days. My hope and prayer is that when I am no longer able to offer my presence to my dad here in Montana he will still feel my spirit’s presence with him. Above all, I pray that he would feel the presence of the true healer and comforter, the Holy Spirit.
Thank you to those of you who have been a part of my grieving process. I know many of you have reached out to be present with me through kind words and prayers. As I sit in my mom’s recliner, I can feel the Holy Spirit uniting us in spirit. Blessings to you all!